He Isn't So Bad
by allthestripes
Summary: Kenny knew Professor Chaos was Butters, though the other had no idea he was Mysterion. Maybe one day he would tell him, but for now, he just enjoyed how cute he was when trying to be evil.


Kenny loved his boyfriend. In fact, he would do just about anything for him, including pretending he didn't know his secret identity as the super villain Professor Chaos. As a masked vigilant himself, and Professor Chaos' arch nemesis, he felt it added an interesting dynamic to their relationship. Not that Butters was aware of it.

No one knew who Mysterion was, but that was how Kenny preferred it. Not for the usual bullshit reasons heroes so often gave, wanting to keep their loved ones safe (when had that ever actually worked out?) or to avoid the attention revealing his identity would bring. No, it was very simple: he didn't want someone to try and stop him.

To be blunt, being Mysterion was fun. He hated the power he had been cursed with, but by donning the mask of a hero, he felt like he had a purpose. No matter how often he was knocked down, he would never stop getting back up. As much as dying sucked ass, the perk of scaring criminals shitless when he appeared made it almost worth it.

As he stood on top of the library, surveying the dimly lit streets below, he spotted movement in the corner of his eye. Turning, he caught a glance of a familiar, teal cape as it flicked out of site. A smirk forming on his lips, he dropped down, following silently.

Mysterion could hear the devious chuckles of the other as he tailed him to the U-Stor-It and had to fight back a laugh of his own. Mysterion didn't laugh, no matter how adorable his boyfriend/nemesis was.

Staying back in the shadows, he watched Chaos check around him for others, then open the door into a unit and hurry inside, calling out a bright, happy greeting to his second in command. Under his breath, Mysterion muttered, "You are way to precious for your own good." He ran across to the building, scaling the wall to the roof and finding the entrance on top.

Making his way into the unit, he took the time to appreciate the elaborateness of Professor Chaos' lair. If he wasn't working for evil, Mysterion thought he would be great fun to work for. Decent salary, upwards mobility. Chaos even offered sick leave and personal days. But he would never be able to rationalize doing bad, even for money. What would Karen think if her angel turned to the dark side?

Mysterion was glad Professor Chaos was so cheerful. His peppy voice echoed through the unit easily, giving Mysterion a clear path to him. If not for that laugh and excited chatter, he most likely would have gotten lost numerous times in the twisted tunnels. Who knew so much tech and metal tubing could fit in a single space? However they had crammed it all it, it was impressive.

Emerging into the large room from the vent, he lowered himself slowly onto the walk-way high up on the wall to avoid any extra noise. Once safely down, he crept to the edge, taking in the familiar room. He and Chaos had battled many times there, it was almost like a second home. Warmer than his, anyway.

Chaos was speaking animatedly with General Disarray, the tiny boy listening intently to his boss. He so clearly looked up to the older boy, hanging onto every word he said and working hard to help make Chaos' plans a reality.

"By this time tomorrow, everyone in South Park will find that their pencil sharpeners have mysteriously vanished!" Chaos was explaining, pointing to a chart that faced away from Mysterion's position.

"They will all have to ration their usage, being careful only to write important things! But when they lead is worn down or breaks, they will be silenced, unless they pay us to give them back their voice! _Aha ha ha ha ha!_ "

Mysterion bit down on his hand, squeezing his eyes shut. Fuck, Butters was just so cute, he could hardly stand it. He looked back to see as Disarray's face morphed into confusion.

"Wait, do people still use wood pencils?" he asked. "Don't most people use mechanical? Or pens?"

Professor Chaos paused mid-laugh, looking at his chart before frowning. "Oh fooey." He flipped the page, bouncing right on to his next plan. "Alright, then how about this? We and our minions go out to all the homes in South Park and take the fuses from the electric boxes. Everyone will be left without power, except for us!"

Mysterion raised his eyebrows. That was a genuinely good plan. Every now and then, Chaos had a stroke of genius with his evil plots. Gernal Disarray seemed to agree, nodding excitedly.

"Yeah! Then we can rule the town!" he cheered.

Noting his cue, Mysterion stood up, calling out for them to hear, "Not on my watch, Chaos! Disarray!" Jumping over the railing, he grabbed onto a cable that hung near-by, using it to get down fast and with style.

"Oh no! Mysterion!" Disarray yelped, backing away.

Chaos glared, puffing out his chest. "Run to safety, my trusted General! I will deal with him!"

"Actually, I need to get home, it's late and I have a test tomorrow," the boy answered shyly.

Blinking, Butters broke his facade to say, "Oh, that okay, Dougie, school's important. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" They waved goodbye, leaving the two alone. When the sound of the door shutting reached them, they jumped back into their fighting stances.

"I cannot allow you to take away the power of this town!" Mysterion growled. If they had no power, Karen might freeze, and he wasn't about to let that happen. "I will stop you here and now, before you can act!"

"You can't stop the great Professor Chaos!" the other yelled. "I will spread chaos through this town, then, _the world_!" He jumped forward, throwing a punch towards Mysterion's face. Dodging to the side at the last second, Chaos tumbled past him, hitting the ground hard enough to push all the air out of his lungs.

In all of their fights, Mysterion had never once hit Professor Chaos. He couldn't bring himself too. Chaos was the only criminal he had adopted a new strategy for: evade until he either hurt himself to much, or was to tired to continue. So far, it had worked perfectly. Aside from the one time the Coon had nearly killed Chaos by pushing him from a scaffolding, but Mysterion had kicked the fucker's ass for that already.

"Don't just run away!" Chaos snapped. "Fight me, you wussy!" He lunged again, only to go careening into a stack of crates. The wooden containers fell, almost crushing him, though Mysterion yanked him out of the way, only a few bouncing off his back and legs.

Once out of danger, Chaos swung again. Not expecting the blow, it struck Mysterion in the face, knocking him back with a pained cry.

"Ha ha! I got you! I finally got you!" Chaos cheered, forgetting that one hit did not equal a victory. Rubbing the spot, Mysterion scowled. He himself had forgotten that, though sweet and not prone to violence normally, Butters packed a hell of a punch.

As Chaos celebrated, he darted forward, the sudden movement startling the boy into backing up and tripping over a pipe laying on the ground behind him. For the second time, the wind was knocked out of him, but this time, he chose not to get back up.

"Uh, Mysterion?" he asked. "How about we call this one a draw?"

"I'll hold you to your word, Chaos," he agreed, then slid into the shadows. It wasn't exactly necessary, but even taking his job seriously, Mysterion had a flare for the dramatic entrance and exit. Call it a weakness if you wanted, but it was the one thing he allowed himself to do extra, and it added to his mystique, so he felt it was worth it.

* * *

The next morning, Kenny got to school early. After fighting Chaos, he always made sure to bring a few first aid supplies to school with him. Bless his heart, Butters tried to patch himself up and hid his pain, but Kenny always saw through his forced smile, even if no one else did.

He smiled under his hood when Butters walked in. Spotting Kenny, his eyes lit up and he moved towards him, opening his arms for a hug, which Kenny gladly gave, though he was sure to be gentle, knowing he likely had bruises all over from the crates falling on him.

"(How did you sleep last night?)" he asked as he pulled out his little kit, popping it open and taking out bandages and a small bottle of ibuprofen. Butters looked at the items in wonder, but sat at the desk beside Kenny and pulled up his shirt to show him his back, which was, as suspected, covered in black and blue markings.

"Well, actually! I know my back is all messed up but, ah, that's cuz I tripped. I fell a lot yesterday," he said, grinning over his shoulder as Kenny handed him three pills and a bottle of water before ripping open the bandages and placing them over the cuts that peppered Butters' skin.

Kenny smiled as he listened to him talk. Clearly he was still pumped about landing a hit the night before. Not for the first time, he was glad that his hood covered his face. It made it easier to hid his wounds from his nights of justice, though the few times his bruises had been found, everyone assumed they were from his parents.

"(They should heal up in a few days. Try and take it easy until then, yeah?)" he suggested, pulling Butters' shirt back into place once finished. "(And watch your feet, you got banged up from a few trips.)" He never argued with Butters' excuses, finding it simpler to just accept whatever he told him. He knew that truth anyway, so it hardly mattered.

"Ken, how do you always know when I need this stuff?" Butters asked, turning to face him. His eyes were full of curiosity, but this wasn't the first time he had asked, and he answered as usual.

"(I always know when you need some extra love and care.)" He leaned forward, lightly bumping their noses together. "(Because I love you~.)"

Giggling, Butters pushed him back lightly. "Oh, geez, Ken!" he scolded, though he smiled warmly. "By the way, did you hear that Mysterion got his lights punched out by Professor Chaos last night at the U-Stor-It?"

The sudden change of topic got a laugh out of Kenny and he shook his head. "(No, I haven't. Tell me what happened.)"

He listened contentedly as Butters spun the story of what had happened the night before. He painted Chaos as the triumphant victor, though graciously allowing Mysterion a draw when they found their powers on par.

"Chaos could totally have won at any point!" Butters explained as Kenny nodded along. "He may be the greatest bad guy ever, but he's classy! He works for villainy, but allows Mysterion to play hero! He's the greatest." His eyes sparkled with pride as he finished his story, and Kenny felt himself falling deeper for him. He also knew he would never be able to truly fight him. Unless Butters was about to hurt himself or Karen, he couldn't bring himself to crush his spirit.

He understood something many others didn't as well: Chaos was an outlet for Butters' anger just as much as Mysterion was for him. They served different purposes, his to right unjust wrongs and Butters' to avenge the wrongs done to him, but it didn't make one lesser than the other, at least not in his eyes.

Sure, Chaos was evil, but honesty, he hadn't actually done a whole lot of bad, and all the plans he had that could really do damage were stopped. There was no reason to take away his only means of getting rid of his anger. It seemed wrong to Kenny to take that from him, especially when he had nothing else he could do instead.

But hey, a little bit of Chaos every now and then wasn't so bad.


End file.
